Ashton (theboygenius) wrote in craxspiracy,

Once apon a time (a long, long time ago), in a land far, far away, in a tower high, high above the sea, in a room way, way bigger than a broom cupboard, there stood a girl much, much more girly than a man. The girl was crying, for she had a problem that she thought no-one could solve for her (she could not solve it herself, because she was lazy and couldn't really be bothered today, although she might do it tomorrow after lunch). The girl was addicted to CRAX. She could not get enough of it. Every day she needed more and more CRAX, and it was turning her insane.

Indeed, the CRAX addiction was sweeping through the planes of Limbo. Both of the weeping girl's sisters were addicted to CRAX as well. Some said that the addiction stemmed from the unceasing, mind-numbing drollness of Limbo. Some said it was because of a secret plot by genetically engineered rabbits to take over the world with the CIA and members of the Fascist Women's Liberation Front, but those people generally had spinning eyeballs, manic grins and bags full of string.

Nevertheless, it was a certainty that some dark force was behind the supply of CRAX to Limbo, and it was an issue that the Grand Button Pusher, El Ashtón, felt he needed to investigate.

El Ashtón called his slightly-fallen Angels of Limbo to him. They assembled, voluminous hair standing on end and eyelids twitching from the CRAX, on a barren, windswept crag overlooking the golden fields of Limbo.

“My Angels, hark! For there is an evil presence among us, a demonic influence with flair and style that plagues our fair existence!” cried El Ashtón, feet spread and robes flapping in the wind that wailed on down from a-high. “We must stand fast against this torrent of black despair that threatens to overcome us, and we must strike back!”

His voice boomed and echoed throughout the grey mountains. There was a pause, where only the wind could be heard, howling like the passing of a thousand lost souls.

“El Ashtón, how can we cut away our own lifeline? That which we desire most is that which we aim to eradicate. How can we make that choice? We must phone a friend!” said one of the Angels, reddish-blondey hair whipping a little because it was kinda short.

“We have no friend to call, oh Kateykins! We are almost alone in this, our struggle. We have only one option left.” said the next angel, who's hair was about to take off or something, there was so freaking much of it. Oh, and it was dark brown, too. Like chestnuts, or something like that.

The third Angel piped up. “Wait, you don't mean...” She paused dramatically, her hair whipping around her face like a golden standard.

“Yes!” yelled El Ashtón, who's hair didn't move and wouldn't have moved if you'd given it life and set fire to it.

“We must...ask the Audience!!!

No sooner were the words spoken than bells of the purest note pealed forth from the heavens, and drums smote the ground and little birdies twittered in the bent and twisted mountain trees.

The skies boiled and lightning flashed and suddenly, amidst clouds of pink smoke, two indistinct figures appeared. One of them leaned down and turned off the smoke machine, and, coughing, they both stepped from the messy pink special effects.

“I was having tea!” one of them exclaimed.

“A mountain full of girls and one boy? And it's Ashton? This better be good.” said the other.

“Fee and Leah, we have summoned you here to -” El Ashtón began to boom.

“Why is he talking so loudly?” the one named Leah asked of the Angels. “Be quiet. Kateykins, what's going on?”

While El Ashtón muttered and attempted to stand silently in a dramatic fashion the Angel Kateykins explained the situation to the two newcomers. When she had finished the two women looked at each other and waved their hands. Two large buttons appeared, floating in the air in front of them. They both pushed them in time, and an annoying little buzz came from the buttons.

“Lock in B, Angels; you must find the source of the CRAX and destroy it,” they chimed in chorus.

“Be? Be what?” El Ashtón asked.

“Shut up, El Ashtón, this is important,” said Angel Shelby. She leaned over and pinched his cheek, turning his face scarlet with embarrassment.

The three Angels spoke together: “We will find the source of CRAX, Audience, and we will destroy it! This we swear to do, unless we get bored or something shiny goes past.”

Fee and Leah nodded, content with the solemn promise, and with a puff of expensive special effects they disappeared.

The Angels looked at each other. “We have much to do,” Emily said.

“Yes,” said Kateykins, “and we don't have much time before the CRAX takes us over completely.” The Angels flapped their hair and swooshed down from the mountaintop to begin their quest, a task which could well be the last act of the three.

“How do I get off this mountain?” murmured El Ashtón.
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